HLT 302 Grand Canyon Topic 7 Discussion 2

Describe the first time you were present with someone who died. What were you thinking and feeling? If you have not had that experience what do you imagine you would be thinking and feeling?

 

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Describe the first time you were present with someone who died

Introduction

When I was a teenager, my best friend died in a car accident. It was unexpected and tragic, but not at all the way death is normally portrayed in movies or books. It was almost impossible for me to understand what had happened or why she was gone from us so suddenly. Over time, however, I’ve come to realize this type of experience is common among people who have experienced sudden deaths in their lives—both before they were old enough to understand what death meant and after learning more about it as an adult with more life experiences under her belt than most people will ever have (which makes sense).

Were you a child or an adult?

• Were you a child or an adult when the person died?

• Children are not expected to be present at the death of a loved one, but there are many reasons why it can be difficult for children to understand what is happening. They may feel confused, scared and unable to express their feelings. This can lead them to get angry at the person who has died or act out in ways that make things worse for those around them (for example by blaming themselves).

Was it an expected death or unexpected death?

If you’re like me, then the first time you were present with someone who died was unexpected. In my case, it was my best friend. She had been diagnosed with cancer and died after having a serious stroke.

This is what I did:

• I went to her house with her husband (the one who loved his wife) and their two children (the one who loved his mother).

• We sat around in silence while we waited for them to say goodbye before they left for the hospital where she would be taken care of until they could decide what would happen next.

• They came back home after several hours at which point everyone sat down again because this part always seemed like such an odd thing to do but everyone knew better than anyone else that talking about death doesn’t make it go away so why even try?

Did you know the person who died well or not at all?

Did you know the person who died well or not at all?

If you knew the person well, describe their personality. How would they have been in everyday life? What was their favorite thing to do? Did they have any hobbies or interests outside of work that made them happy? Did they like to travel and explore new places, or did they prefer staying home with family and friends?

If it wasn’t a family member who died (an acquaintance), how did this affect your feelings toward death in general—were there any moments where thoughts of mortality crept into your mind for the first time since becoming an adult (and if so, were there any moments where those thoughts felt comforting)? Was there something about how people reacted around death that struck a chord within yourself?

What were the circumstances of their death?

• The circumstances of the death.

• Where they were when they died.

• How they died (e.g., by suicide, murder, accident).

• How their body was discovered and what happened immediately after the discovery of their body or death, if there was no official announcement made about it being discovered (e.g., a family member found them lying on the ground).

What were the circumstances of your being there?

What were the circumstances of your being there?

• What were you doing?

• Who was with you?

• What were the weather conditions like, and what did they feel like to you at the time (if it was raining or cold)?

What were your feelings about watching a person die for the first time?

What were your feelings about watching a person die for the first time? What do you think about death now? How has this event influenced your ideas about death and dying?

Did you feel that their dying was peaceful or painful?

Did you feel that their dying was peaceful or painful?

If they were in pain, what did you do to help them?

What did you learn from this experience?

If it was painful, what did you try to do to ease their discomfort if anything?

• Ask if they are in pain.

• Ask if they want something to eat or drink.

• Ask if they would like to take a nap, especially if the person has died suddenly and is still very ill.

• Check with their doctor for any pain medications that might be prescribed, and see what’s available at home or in your local pharmacy. If there’s no time left on a prescription after an emergency event, let your pharmacist know so he can reorder it for you as soon as possible.

Did they express any wishes before they passed away? What requests did they make that have stayed with you over time?

Did they express any wishes before they passed away? What requests did they make that have stayed with you over time?

What was the most memorable thing they said to you?

What did they ask you to do for them?

Did they say anything that made you feel sad, happy or angry?

Was there anything specific in their last words that were important to know at the time and now are meaningful 10 years later (e.g., “I forgive my family” or “Tell my daughter how much I love her”)?

How has this event influenced your ideas about death and dying?

In the days and weeks following my mother’s death, I had many thoughts about what her passing would mean for me. As a child, I had been taught that there would be a funeral service with lots of crying and sadness—but what if there wasn’t? What if she was cremated instead? Would it make any difference to how much time we spent together as family? What about my dad’s desire for us all to attend his own funerals together at the same time?

I learned from my parents that death is part of life; however, this incident helped me realize how important it is for families to have conversations about these matters before they happen so everyone knows their wishes beforehand.

Conclusion

The death of someone close to you can be a difficult experience. You may feel sad, angry, or overwhelmed by the loss of something precious. You may also find yourself wondering why he or she had to die at such an early age and what might have been different if they had lived longer. These feelings are normal as long as they don’t cause distress and interfere with daily life activities.